I've Got Dreams to Remember

Over the past month, I've had a handful of disturbing dreams. I can't remember all of them, but here are three that I can't seem to shake.

Dream one: the dream begins as I am learning that my husband has died. It dawns on me that I will have to start dating again and all I can think is, but I don't want to!! I finally decide to relax and just see what happens. Maybe some day I'll be interested again.

The next night, I dream of my best friend from grammar school telling me she knows someone she thinks I should date. I tell her I'm happily married to Jim, but she says I should at least meet him to see what I think. Cut to a scene of Jim and me in a big, old-school convertible ... a long, 70s-style rectangular car. We're floating through the streets of Rome (at least it looked like Rome - white stone buildings everywhere, roundabouts with white stone fountains in their centers). Did I say floating? Yes - all the roads have become flowing rivers. We're having a lovely time, but I'm mentally wringing my hands because I don't want to tell him that I'm supposed to be dating someone else.

A few weeks later - just three nights ago - I dreamt that Jim and I were having sex. To me, it felt warm and cozy and a little sleepy, as if we'd woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't resist each other. A few seconds into the dream, Jim pulls away from me - angry - and demands to know what I want him to do ... as if he believes I am unhappy with our lovemaking. Confused, I assure him that I'm happy with what we are doing. Convinced our relationship is ending, I tell Johnny that Mommy and Daddy just want different things, but everything will be ok.

When I woke up from that last one, Jim was getting ready for work. When he saw that I was awake, he climbed back into bed fully clothed and wrapped his arm around me. I asked what was wrong, and he mumbled, "depressed," into my ear. I chose not to tell him about my latest dream.